What to Expect in a Couples Therapy Session Using the Developmental Model

By Marcus Price, MDiv., MSW, LCSW

Couples therapy can be transformative for relationships, helping partners navigate challenges, deepen emotional connections, and grow together. If you're considering couples therapy with a therapist who uses the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy by Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, it’s helpful to understand what to expect. This evidence-based approach is designed to support couples as they grow individually and as a unit, addressing key stages of relational development.

At Seed & Oak Counseling, we specialize in helping couples build stronger, healthier relationships by integrating this proven model into our therapy sessions.

What Is the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy?

The Developmental Model, created by Drs. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, is based on the idea that relationships, like individuals, evolve through predictable stages of growth. Each stage brings unique challenges and opportunities for connection. When couples struggle, it’s often because they’ve become stuck in one stage or are struggling to adapt to a new one.

This model emphasizes:

• Individual growth as a foundation for a thriving partnership.

• Understanding unmet needs and how they influence relational dynamics.

• Developing effective communication skills to navigate conflict and foster intimacy.

What to Expect in a Developmental Model Couples Therapy Session

1. Initial Assessment and Goal Setting

Your therapist will begin by learning about your relationship history, current challenges, and goals for therapy. The focus will be on identifying where you are in the developmental stages and exploring patterns that may be causing conflict.

Key areas of focus during the first session include:

• Understanding each partner’s perspective and unmet needs.

• Exploring attachment styles and how they shape your interactions.

• Setting clear, mutual goals for therapy.

Expect to answer questions about communication patterns, emotional intimacy, and past events that may be affecting the relationship.

2. Learning New Skills for Communication and Connection

One of the pillars of the Developmental Model is helping couples communicate effectively. Sessions often include tools and exercises to:

• Improve active listening and emotional validation.

• Reduce defensiveness and blame during conflict.

• Learn how to express needs clearly and respectfully.

You’ll practice these skills in session, with the therapist guiding and coaching you in real time.

3. Addressing Unresolved Issues

In subsequent sessions, your therapist will help you work through specific areas of tension. The Developmental Model emphasizes recognizing underlying patterns that contribute to recurring conflicts, such as:

• Fear of vulnerability.

• Struggles with autonomy or dependency.

• Unhealthy cycles of avoidance or over-reliance.

By addressing these issues, you can break free from unhelpful dynamics and build a relationship rooted in trust and mutual growth.

4. Balancing Individual and Relationship Needs

The Developmental Model encourages each partner to grow individually while also fostering a healthy, interdependent relationship. This approach helps you:

• Develop self-awareness about how your behaviors and emotional patterns impact the relationship.

• Respect and support each partner’s need for independence and connection.

• Work collaboratively to create a shared vision for your future.

Your therapist will guide you through exercises that challenge old habits while building new, healthier ones.

5. Measuring Progress and Maintaining Growth

Throughout therapy, your therapist will help you track progress toward your goals. Couples in the Developmental Model often notice:

• Reduced frequency and intensity of conflicts.

• Increased emotional intimacy and connection.

• Better ability to navigate disagreements without escalation.

As therapy progresses, the focus shifts to maintaining the growth you’ve achieved and ensuring your relationship continues to thrive.

Who Can Benefit from the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy?

This approach is ideal for couples who are:

• Facing communication breakdowns.

• Struggling with emotional intimacy or trust issues.

• Navigating major life transitions, such as marriage, parenthood, or relocation.

• Seeking to strengthen their connection and grow both individually and together.

Why Choose Seed & Oak Counseling for Couples Therapy?

At Seed & Oak Counseling, we believe every relationship has the potential for growth and healing. Using the Developmental Model, we provide a safe, supportive space for couples to explore their challenges and create lasting change.

What sets us apart:

• Expertise in attachment and relational dynamics.

• A warm, nonjudgmental approach tailored to your unique needs.

• Evidence-based techniques grounded in years of clinical experience.

Take the Next Step

Couples therapy using the Developmental Model is an investment in your relationship’s future. Whether you’re navigating conflict, seeking to reconnect, or simply wanting to grow as a couple, we’re here to help.

Contact Seed & Oak Counseling today to schedule a session and begin your journey toward a stronger, healthier relationship.